That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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