Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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