How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
