This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
