so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
