It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
