I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
