doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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