Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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