If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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