Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
