R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
