I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
