Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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