you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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