I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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