i wish there were pregnant emoticons
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize