I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
