And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
