alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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