can u get pink eye on your cock?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
