Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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