i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
