hotel room ftw
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
