I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
barbara walters just said penis...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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