Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
