Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I wear drunk well.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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