Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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