Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
