I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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