i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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