If i come over, it means nothing
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
