he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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