I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
