She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize