im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
