True but thats because hes a fetus.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
