Screwed.edu
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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