sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
