she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize