I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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