Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you inspire me to be a worse person
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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