I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
