WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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