At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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