Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
