A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My dick has a subreddit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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