shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
