Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
