Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize