allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
