also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
