Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
send nudes
from the living room?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize