If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
A bitchslap is in order.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
