i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's like iHOP with fire
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
