Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All the doctor said was why
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
