he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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