i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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