so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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