Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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