Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
