YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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