allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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