so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
