I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
