I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This is my gift to your gina
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize