one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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